This is fan fiction. Though the characters involve real people, this does not recount real events. The rating on this story is NC-17/Hard R. If you are not a least 18 years of age, please do not read!





P a r t T h r e e


Radiantbaby, 1999


* * *



The next day I waited in the lobby for Maya to arrive, being carefully watched by Cynthia who seemed to have a sense "something different" was going on. She arrived about fifteen minutes early and I rushed over to her smiling as she entered the building.


"Are you my personal guide then?" Maya laughed when she saw me approach.


"Personal love slave is more like it, but I will be your guide as well," I replied, grasped my hands behind my back like a little boy.


"I can deal with that!"


"Let's be off then, Miss," I said leading her towards the elevators. On the way I introduced her to Cynthia as the new P.R. representative. Cynthia was short with her, being only vaguely cordial. I could see the jealousy already welling in her eyes.


When Maya and I boarded the elevator, she turned to me and said, "I really don't think she likes me very well."


"You got that impression too? She has a crush on me from what I have heard," I replied, stroking her hair tenderly.


"I don't see how anyone could not," she said, standing on her toes to kiss me.


"You are just so good for my ego," I laughed as the elevator doors opened.


I introduced her to the other employees in the office, with the exception of Martin who hadn't arrived yet. Then I showed her the office that would be hers. "I am sorry, it is a bit small," I said, opening the door for her and handing her the key.


I flipped the light on and she walked around the room smiling, running her hands along the simple wooden desk and shelves, and lingering in front of the floor-to-ceiling window. She turned back to me, a huge grin on her face. "It is perfect! My very own office! I have always only had a cubicle!"


"I am glad that you like it! The fax is in working order and the copier is at the end of the hall. The computer is a PC, but if you prefer a Mac, we can get it switched. Or if you need any sort of tech support, we have a guy we call in who comes every week or whenever we need him. Also, if you need any office supplies, we do an order every two weeks and I'll give you a catalogue you can order from. Any questions?" I replied, leaning against the doorframe.


She turned back to take in the view from the window as I walked up behind her. It was a great view, a sweeping picture of the skyline of New York. "This is all so overwhelming, I don't know where to begin!" she exclaimed.


"That is where I come in."


We both turned to the voice to see Edie smiling at us from the doorway. Edie was a sales associate for the magazine that was handling the promotion duties on the side with the help of a temp for the lapse when we needed to hire someone. She was a fiery redhead with more balls than most of the men in the office, yet she was always great fun to be around. Martin has a terrible crush on her, following her around the office like a puppy. I hope that sight doesn't soon befall me with Maya just up the hall.


"Edie, hello!," I greeted her, turning back to Maya, "Maya, this is Edie. She is going to help you with everything you need and get you started. She's been covering your job, so she knows all the ins and outs of it."


"Hello, Edie," Maya said, walking over and shaking her hand.


"Hello, Maya. It is going to be so great to have some help around here, especially from a female! The testosterone is so thick around here at times you can cut it with a knife!" she joked.


I left Maya with Edie to get to my own work, though I hated it. I could easily be a tag-along all day if she wanted me to, just like poor Martin, but we decided we'd have lunch together. Martin came in soon afterwards, rather eager to meet "the mystery woman."


"So, she's here then?" Martin whispered, grinning like a child.


"Of course, she just works down the hall. She is with Edie."


"Edie...hmmm, I don't know if I can go in there," Martin said shyly.


"Oh please, you follow her around all the time! You have an excuse, you have to meet the new employee. Besides, I have told Maya about you and she wants to meet you," I said, getting up and making my way towards the door.


"What did you say about me?" he asked suspiciously.


"That you snort when you laugh," I giggled, walking out the door and making my way down the hall.


"Hey! That only happened once! I was very drunk too!" he countered, following me out.


"I was just kidding, I didn't say anything of the sort!" I turned to whisper to him.


I knocked on the office door, watching Edie and Maya laughing as they pointed at the computer from the desk. They seemed as if they'd hit it off immediately. "What are you ladies laughing at?" I asked, Martin sidling up next to me.


"Nothing! Nothing at all!" Edie said, trying to contain her laughter.


"Why do I not trust them?" I asked Martin.


"Hmm, I wouldn't know," he replied with playful sarcasm.


"Okay, what is going on?" I asked the two of them, their eyes watery from their tears from laughing so hard.


"Well, if you must know," Edie began, "I was showing Maya how to use the picture viewer and I decided to show her some of the pictures from the Halloween party."


"Oh my God, you did not!' I exclaimed in horror, rushing over to Maya's desk. The vague memories of that night were coming back to me in a rush. I had went to the party dressed as a large sperm. I only agreed to use that costume as Nigel was going to be dressed as an egg and it was going to be this big joke. Well, it was a joke...on me. Nigel came to the party dressed as Cartman or something, so here I was alone, dressed in this big sperm costume! I also got terribly drunk to deal with all the ridicule from the employees, so now there are several pictures of me floating around as a wasted, giant sperm. I remember even as a joke in the office, the following Monday at work everyone's computer, including my own, had this big picture of me in my costume, laying back on the couch half-passed out, with a caption that read: "An argument for birth control?" on the wallpaper.


When I got to the computer, I saw that Edie had a contact sheet of all the pictures of me on the screen. I was absolutely mortified! "Thanks a lot, Edie," I grunted, walking out of the office.


I ran to my office, breathing heavily. All I could hear was everyone's laughter throbbing in my head and then my memories of everyone's laughter in the office the night the pictures were taken. I was young again, the little boy, the other Nigel in my life.


I felt the rush of desolation fill me, remembering all the times I was the butt of jokes as a child. I couldn't ever decipher what was worse -- a bully beating me up after class or a girl pretending she was interested in me, only to find it was all a prank. I think the heartbreak from the girls was the worst. It was this feeling that was coming back to me now.


"John?" I heard Maya's voice and looked towards the door to see her standing there, a look of concern on her face.


"Please go away," I sighed, turning to look out the window, fighting back the tears. No, I could not cry in front of her. I could not be any more humiliated than I already was.


I heard the door close and then turned to see her still standing in my office, her arms crossed over her chest. I was surprised and a little startled as I thought she had left, but a part of me rejoiced that she had not. "Are you alright?" she asked.


"Does it look like it?" I snapped.


"Well, that is why I asked," she replied, her voice abrasive and not receptive to any insult I might throw at her.


"Look, I am sorry, I just...I just need to be alone right now," I replied quietly.


"Do you really?"


I began to answer, but a sob came from deep within my throat and the tears I fought so hard to keep in check began pouring from my eyes. I sat down in my chair roughly, speaking almost incoherently at that point, "This always happens, always, why does it always happen?"


She walked over to me, laying her hand on my shoulder, "What always happens?"


I just looked at her for a long time, unable to speak my jumbled thoughts, unable to tell her how afraid I was going to lose her so early on. I clasped my hands on my lap and looked down at the floor. "Maya...I am sorry. I don't know what made me ever think I was good enough for you. This weekend I was on top of the world, I felt invincible, but now I have had my reality check. I tried to play with the big boys and the big boys won..."


She knelt in front of me, looking up into my face with sadness. "Oh John, I am so sorry. This is all about the pictures, isn't it? Edie said that you thought the pictures were funny and that you liked them. I never meant to hurt your feelings. Those pictures have changed nothing. I still am very attracted to you, with or without the sperm costume."


I reached my hand down to stroke her face and she kissed it. I closed my eyes feeling her lips on my palm and then on my own lips and she stood up to kiss me. We kissed softly for a few moments, the tears still pouring from my eyes, though they were becoming tears of joy. She moved her mouth to kiss the tears from my face, letting her mouth linger over my eyelids.


I looked her in the eye, smiling at the sentiment she bestowed on me. "That was a geeky costume though," I giggled, despite myself.


She smiled back at me, "Sadly enough, I thought you looked sexy in it...but then I'd be willing to bet you'd look sexy in just about anything..."


I blushed and she added, "Or nothing at all."



* * *



Things were resolved with Maya and Edie knew that she owed me big for the whole stunt. Martin seemed bewildered through the whole event, like a puppy with two owners not knowing who to side with in a fight between them. I sat at my office, just chewing on my pen top hoping that nothing else could go wrong for the day. Still, it wouldn't be my life if the rest of the day went smoothly...


Tony, the maintenance man, knocked at my door. "Hey man, come and look at the security monitors, there is some sort of...something...going on downstairs!"


Tony ("Everybody knows a Tony...") was a gruff Italian-America from the Bronx who rarely seemed to get excited about anything except for football (the American bastardized version). I knew with the gleam in his eye, there was something interesting going on. I followed him into his office the next floor down, joining the small crowd around the security monitors. I saw Maya there as well.


"Why hello," I smiled flirtatiously at her.


"What brings you to such a cramped little security office?" she teased.


"Well...Tony actually!" I laughed. "So, does anyone know what is happening?" I added, peering over everyone to see on the monitors all the crowd and security in the lobby and outside the front door.


Gladys, a small pudgy woman in her 40s who worked in the cafeteria downstairs and was a cohort of Tony's, turned to me with a big, star struck smile and cooed, "Simon le Bon is here! He is coming up to the magazine offices! They had to get all this security because there was a news leak about it on the radio today!"


"Yeah, I hear they beefed up security because ever since he started doing that film about the Mafia, they have a hit out on him," Tony replied, smacking his gum.


"Oh hush, Tony! That is all tabloid nonsense to promote the film. They wouldn't waste their time on him," Gladys replied, matter-of-factly.


"Wow, Simon le Bon is coming to our offices! Aren't you excited, John?" Maya exclaimed turning to me.


My whole world seemed to be going dark as if I was going to faint. Maya came over to me, "John? Are you alright? You look pale. Do you need air?"


I just stared helplessly at the ceiling as she pulled me from the room. She lead me back up to the office, holding me up slightly as I walked in a haze. Once in my office, she sat me down and ran and got a wet paper towel, patting my forehead with it. "Wow, John. You look as if you've seen a ghost?"


"Yes...the Ghost of Christmas Past, perhaps?" the voice came from the doorway. It was Simon le Bon and he bowed dramatically. He always knew how to make an entrance.



* * *



"Ghost of Christmas Past" was a little too close to the truth for my liking. We had actually met at a Christmas party about ten years ago. This was before he was as famous as he is now, of course. Back then, he was a pretty big name in theatre, but it wasn't until his bright blue eyes flickered on the big screen that he became the man he is now.


He was an old friend of Miriam's when I first met him. The two of them worked together when Simon worked in the production of putting one of her children's books, "Bobgoblin," to stage. He almost single-handedly ran the production and it received very great press in both the U.K. and Australia. The lead in the play, a young boy named Christopher (the spitting image of a young Simon, actually), became a star overnight and has since been in some small film roles.


Anyway, Simon directed as well as acted back then, though now I think he prefers to be in the spotlight. It is his nature -- always the showman. Anyhow, he dropped in at the first Tunney Christmas party of Nigel and Miriam while they were still newlyweds. It was certainly a night I could never forget. It was filled with all manner of people -- relatives, friends, other people in the press, some celebrities, some models, etc. And then there was Simon, he was the most impressionable guest of all.


Nigel hated him immediately as there was a weird air between Simon and Miriam that betrayed that the two of them may have been lovers in the past, as well as work associates. I didn't have much of an opinion of him myself when I first saw him, except that I found him pompous and a bit pretentious. He did have his charm though and I found it rather amusing to watch the women vying for his attentions at the party, each of them trying to win the chance to bed him for the evening.


As I got more and more intoxicated and less and less approached by people, his interaction with the women at the party -- many of which were insanely beautiful -- made me jealous. So jealous in fact that I took off my glasses and tucked them into my pocket. I wasn't sure if I could compete with him, but I was going to give it a go.


He was tall, with long curly blonde hair, blue eyes and this striking aloof look that seemed to draw the women in like a magnet. He was suave and sophisticated, with an almost aristo air to him. I, on the other hand, was very simplistic in style, just wearing a World's Gym t-shirt (ironic as I was skinny and lanky and no where near the muscle type that would be expected to wear such a shirt), some black pin-striped trousers, and some Doc Marten's. Still, I leaned against the wall, trying to strike my own aloof pose, trying to see if I could get the same reaction with the women.


It didn't work though, sadly enough. I think there is truth in the theory that women can sense when a man is lonely, and having been in between relationships for a few months at that time, I probably reeked with it. All I was able to do was make myself look more clumsy than anything as I tripped while simply walking over to get a finger sandwich at the catered food table and then smashed into the same table with my leg, spilling a drink onto the floor. Oh yes, I was certainly going to get attention from the women that way.


I remember bending down, trying to use some gaudy red and green napkins with a picture of a snowman on them to soak up the spilled drink. It was rather futile as I think the napkins were more for decoration than for practical usage. I was just glad that Nigel and Miriam seemed distracted enough with their guests that they hadn't come by and reprimanded me for staining their carpet.


"You look like you could use a hand there," an amused voice with a clipped Londoner lilt said to me.


I looked up and could make out through my blurred vision that it was Simon. He grabbed some napkins and helped me clean up my mess. "Perhaps you should put your glasses back on," he whispered.


"Perhaps you should bugger off!" I replied, throwing the napkins in a wad onto the floor. I stood up quickly, but my equilibrium was compromised with the mixture of adrenaline, champagne, and blood rushing to my head. I fell forward, knocking my head on the corner of the table, knocking myself unconscious.


When I came to, I could feel a wet rag being patted on my head over my wound. I sincerely hoped it was one of the beautiful women at the party compelled by her heroic maternal side to take care of a poor helpless sod like myself. I was wrong. My eyes focused and I saw it was Simon. That was the beginning of the end.




* * *



"Ignoring me then, eh John?" Simon said, pulling me back into the present from my thoughts. "Then perhaps, I shall just speak with this lovely lady instead."


He walked over to Maya, taking her hand from me and kissing it, "Charmed. And your name is?"


"Maya," she smiled, looking down shyly.


I groaned, already annoyed by his presence. No one else was able to illicit such an intense negative response to themselves from me than him, but then that is what they say about passion I guess. If you hate someone that much, you can love them with just as much vigor.


I looked up at Maya and she had that star struck look in her eyes. He was in, it made me almost want to vomit. "I am not ignoring you, you didn't give me a chance to speak yet. I was...surprised to see you," I said.


"Great! I wanted it to be a surprise!" he replied with an almost childish excitement, sitting up on my desk, making himself at home.


"So, what brings you to New York for such a visit?" I asked.


"Well, as you know I wasn't able to be at the movie awards..." he began.


"Yes, we all saw your video of you accepting the award," I interrupted, bored.


He grunted, mad that I had cut him off, "Anyway, it was because I couldn't get out of filming that day as we wrapped a day late. Well, I was watching the playback of the awards and saw you and thought 'John, now there is someone I need to go visit'"


"I am so thrilled," I replied evenly.


"Maya," he said, smiling impishly at her, "Can I have a moment with John alone?"


"Of course," she replied, walking out of the door with a big smile on her face.


Simon walked over and shut the door. "What is your problem anyway?" he spat, his voice a sharp whisper.


"What are you talking about?" I replied, crossing my arms over my chest.


To be honest, I wasn't completely sure why I was being that way. Maybe it was because he had shown up as such a surprise, that he caught me off guard and you never want to be caught off guard with Simon. I think I was also afraid that he might try and chat up Maya and seeing her reaction to him so far was already scaring the Hell out of me. I think most of all though, it was that he represented a part of me, a part of my past, I am not very comfortable with and this part might now be exposed just when I started to get somewhere with such a great woman.


"John, John...some things never change do they?" he said, kneeling on the floor before me.


I recoiled at his close proximity, especially him being on his knees before me. It made me think of the many times we had been in this very position, but the difference was he had his mouth on my cock during those past times. I hardened from the thought, despite myself.


Simon looked at my crouch appreciatively, as if appraising a painting or a new car. "Some things never change," he echoed.


I covered myself with my hands, "What do you want from me?"


"Well, John, I am sure that you know the answer to that question. I suppose more specifically you should ask me what I want from you right now. I honestly just came to visit you. I saw you on the awards, with that lovely lady that was just in here I might add, and I just realized how much I missed you. I am sorry if I encroached on your life in some terrible way. You were always 'too good' for me," he replied, his voice betraying the fact that I'd hurt his feelings.


"Simon, I never said or thought that and you know it. You just know...well, you know how I feel about us. You must respect that or you do not respect me. I have just met this amazing girl and I don't want to ruin it. Please Simon, understand," I said, putting my hand on his shoulder.


"You have it so bad, it is written all over your face," he laughed, "I saw it on the awards show, that glowing smile of yours only reserved for few, and now in person. I had to see it for myself. I guess when I saw you on the telly, it made me miss when you looked at me that way."


"Oh Simon," I said, leaning down to kiss him on the forehead.


He looked up at me with a sad smile and then stood up. "Well, I suppose I should let Maya back in. She is probably wondering what we are doing in here. If she only knew, perhaps I should tell her," he said teasing me.


"You do and I will kill you!" I replied, laughing myself. It was hard to stay mad with Simon for too long.




* * *



So, dear readers, it seems that I have now come out of the proverbial closet to you. I mean, don't get me wrong, I am not homosexual, I have just had some homosexual experiences. I don't know what that makes me -- bisexual, omnisexual, confused...either way, what I shared with Simon was only with him and will only be with him, ever.


I want to point out that I have nothing against the gay lifestyle. In fact, I found it a bit intriguing as a child, spending my impressionable years during the Glam Rock movement in England, but I was not, for the record, as "intrigued" as my peers were portrayed in the aforementioned Velvet Goldmine. Yes, I did find myself staring at a picture of David Bowie and Lou Reed kissing with fascination, but to me it wasn't sexual as much as it was the excitement from the pure rebellion of it. I guess a part of me wished I could be so cheeky.


When I say I am "straight" to someone who isn't, they tend to have the same response of "Well, you just haven't had the right man" or whatever. I often surprise them by replying with, when I am well drunk of course, "Actually, I had a wonderful, attractive man. Some people might even call him an Adonis. Though I care about him deeply, I could never truly be in love with him. If I cannot love such a man, who can I love?"


Simon and I shared something very passionate, but very reserved at the same time. We both spent most of the time denying we had any feelings for one another. It was the first night we met that it began. There was no courting, no flirting -- he just kissed me as he tended my wound. I was so surprised and shocked, I found myself paralyzed. I think that he was just as surprised himself, joking that the alcohol had made him rather randy that evening. I couldn't admit to myself that it actually gave me a thrill that he had kissed me. It reminded me of how sweet it could be to have someone's lips on your own (as I had been alone for some time that night), yet the texture was so different than it was with a woman. It was more rough, more insistent. Still, it made me feel wanted, even if I was looking over my shoulder to make sure no one was watching.



* * *



Simon let Maya back in and we all chatted idly until Edie popped her head in the door. "Excuse me, John. I have some important things I need to show you," she said, her voice trying to sound professional and serious.


"Important things?" I looked at her confused, not taking her hint.


"Yes, you know, for the magazine," she replied, her eyes begging me to come out of the room.


"Oh yes, now I know what you mean," I said, excusing myself and going outside into the hall with Edie.


"What's this all about? You're blushing?" I asked in a whisper as she dragged me down the hall.


"Introduce me to him, you must, you must!" she said in a low squeal. I knew that she was a big fan of Simon's films, even had a few on video at home in her collection.


"Oh, I see. You nearly ruin my love life and now you want me to do you a favor?" I asked with a chuckle, leaning against the wall. Hardly ever had I been in such a position with her, she was always the one on top of things, the one that I deferred to.


"Oh God! I am so sorry! I was just testing Maya, you know? Seeing if she'd still like you after she knew about your...dark side," she laughed, despite her trying to be serious. "It worked, didn't it? The pretty thing came running back into daddy's arms at the end of the program, did she not?"


"Ha ha, thank you Dr. Laura," I said, "You are a terrible liar, you know that?"


"I know...but please, please, please, please, introduce me to Simon! I will do anything for you, anything!" she begged, pushing out her lower lip in an exaggerated pout.


"Anything?" I replied, cocking my head as if giving it some serious thought.


"Nothing dirty!" she added.


I thought about it for a moment and then had a small brainwave. "Okay, okay...how about this...Girls talk, we all know they do. Tell me everything Maya says about me, even if you have to bring me up. I have to know how I am doing with her. Don't even spare me if it is bad or something...well, you can sugarcoat it, but don't hide anything. How's that? Painless enough?" I asked, amazed at my own offer.


"You want gossip? From Maya about you?" she asked, seeming to ponder it, but then stuck her hand out to shake mine. "Deal."


I led Edie back to the office, holding my breath that Simon hadn't entirely knocked me out of the running with Maya. He had a not-so-nice habit of latching onto women when I "blinked" (that is how he referred to it). To this day I cannot decide who is more competitive, him or I.


When I walked back in my office, everything seemed pretty innocent. Maya was blushing a little, but I couldn't tell for sure if it was because Simon was famous or because he was attractive. I only hoped that he hadn't felt so bold as to share some embarrassing past story about me. He was worse than a parent in that regard. I sometimes wondered why he never carried around embarrassing baby photos of me for him to add to the effect. Anyway, I certainly didn't think I could deal with some terrible anecdote from my past as well as the sperm photos in one day!


"Well, Edie, thanks for showing me those proofs... Oh yes, Edie, have you met Simon before?" I said, leading her into the office.


"No, I have not," she smiled demurely at me and Simon.


"I am sure the pleasure is all mine," Simon said, standing up and bowing. He reached his hand out for hers, but she approached him slowly and tentatively, as if she were afraid he might bite her (and he probably would if given the opportunity, actually). He stepped forward slightly, closing the space between them, and took her hand and kissed it.


"Such the gentleman," I cooed and then added, "So, Maya and I were going to lunch, would the two of you like to join us?"


"Yes, that would be great, I am ravenous," Simon replied, holding his stomach for effect.


"Of course," Edie replied, smiling at me, then at Simon and then back to me again.


"Well then, let's go," I said, taking Maya's hand.


Simon walked out in front of us with Edie following him. She turned to look back at me and mouthed the words "Thank you." I smiled back at her as if to say "No problem," and we wandered downstairs.




* * *



I had forgotten the headache being with Simon could be, he always had so much security and press around nowadays, it made me relieved that he didn't have it back when we were whatever we were. I can see the tabloids now: "Le Bon and British Magazine Mogul in Bizarre Love Tryst?" I shudder at the thought.


Anyway, once downstairs, we had to call the restaurant first so that they were made aware that impending chaos, I mean a celebrity, was about to come there for lunch (a double-edge sword that is, they want you there because it increases business, but they hate when you are there because it is always a big mess). Being in New York we could actually walk over to the restaurant without much hassle, but it was still an interesting sight all four of us running across the street to the French Bistro with photographers flashing their cameras at us after us. I couldn't wait to see us all in the papers or on the news later.


"Darling, you are a star now!" Simon exclaimed, putting his arm around Edie's shoulders. He had already started in on her, always unable to resist a beautiful woman, especially one so enrapt with him. Not that Edie minded of course. She really owed me big.


We walked into the restaurant with everyone hurrying about. The maitre d' came up to us, all smiles. "Hello, Mr. Le Bon, table for four?" he asked, not even acknowledging the presence of the rest of us. Typical.


"Yes, that would be most satisfactory," Simon replied in a mock snobbish tone.


"Right this way, sir, right this way," he said, leading us to a nice booth away from the crowd.


As we walked by the people eating, many people were whispering and pointing at us. I held Maya's hand a little tighter, not sure if I was supporting her more, or myself. I was uncomfortable with all the close scrutiny, I was only thankful that Edie was on Simon's arm, not me. I was already getting a little ill with worry over my past indecencies with Simon coming up in a casual lunchtime conversation.


After we were seated and the maitre d' left, Simon looked at us rolling his eyes, "Right this way, sir, let me kiss you ass sir, and ignore your friends sir, yes sir," he whispered, snidely mocking him.


"Oh it is alright Simon, I am used to being ignored in your presence," I teased, smiling at him to soothe the anger that was creeping up in him. Simon did love the spotlight, but not at the expense of his friends.


The waiter took our orders and everything settled back into the usual for Simon and I -- Simon flirting with Edie and me flirting with Maya (though not with as much sophistication as him). A few times I even ventured to tell an amusing anecdote about Edie to Simon as a bit of playful revenge for earlier and she would always kick me under the table, giving me a warning look.


Far more better than the kicks under the table, of course, was Maya's hand and the fact that it lay rested on my thigh for most of the duration of the lunch. When she moved her hand there, starting first at my knee and then sliding close to my groin, just far enough away to be an unbearable tease, I jumped slightly and almost yelped in surprise. Simon laughed at me, "Ants in your pants, Johnny?" and Edie just laughed at Simon, laughing at every joke he made. I had never seen her in such reverence.


It was all I could do to concentrate on the now mundane lunch conversation and not on the throbbing of the hardness between my legs. What made matters worse was when Maya slid her hand closer in, resting it over the bulge in my pants, lightly tapping her finger against me. I laughed nervously, trying to look as if I was actually paying attention to the conversation. It seemed as if Maya and I were in our own little world, because no one around us seemed to notice her subtle seduction.


I leaned to whisper heavy in her ear, "You are well aware that you are killing me, aren't you?"


She smiled mischievously and withdrew her hand as the waiter laid the check down on the table. She leaned over kissing my cheek whispering, "Then we shall continue this later, hmm?"


Oh yes. There was no denying that.



* * *



The rest of the day seemed to drag on and on as I couldn't wait for it to end so that I could finish what Maya and I started in the restaurant. Simon left after lunch to go do some interviews and Edie was on cloud nine for the rest of the day. I think she even gave him her phone number, some things do never change. I myself tried desperately to keep my mind on my work for the time being, ignoring the fact that I was so turned on, I felt as if I would burst.


Around 6:00, everyone left, everyone except for Maya. I had asked her to stay under the pretext that I had to train her on some things. I wasn't completely lying. When she arrived in my office at promptly 6:05 (I have no idea why I looked at the clock), she walked over to me with a sexy smile on her face.


I pulled her to me, my cock hardening fast again just as the scent of her swept over me and the feel of her against me set in. I kissed her hard, trying not to be rough, but falling prey to my insatiable urge to take her right there on my desk. I turned her around, pushing my paperwork onto the floor and lifted her to sit on the edge of the desk. "I think I need to get you back for all those lurid fantasies you stuck me with all day," I murmured, sinking to my knees in front of her and spreading her legs.


"What are you going to do?" she asked, playfully challenging me.


"Oh, I don't know, perhaps this," I replied against her thigh, moving my tongue across her skin to rest over the silk of her panties, wetting them with the light pressure of my tongue against her.


She lifted her legs to my shoulders, leaning back on her hands for better leverage and moaned. I moved my mouth from her, reaching up to slide off her panties. "Do you like that? Do you want more?" I whispered, letting the hot breath of my words fan against her.


"Oh yes," she whined, putting her hand on my head, pushing me closer to her.


I rolled my tongue from the bottom to the top of her lips, sinking it just inside, easing it near her clitoris, but holding back before touching it. She bucked against me, trying to move her body so that I would touch it, but I resisted, just slowly teasing her by running my tongue all along the groove of her lips, stroking her insides with it.


"Please, please, take me in your mouth," she moaned and I hardened even more at her words, elated that I was arousing her so much.


I took her clitoris between my lips, sucking on it softly, and moved my hand up to sink two fingers slowly inside her. She cried out, her breathing coming now in deep gasps as I began to suck and nibble on her clitoris more intensely, moving my fingers in and out of her, careful to caress her insides with the tips of them.


She was moving against my mouth now, her body seeming to work on its own accord, bringing itself its own pleasure. I pushed and pulled my fingers in and out of her faster, dropping one of my hands down to rub the insistent throbbing of my own self. I opened up my pants, releasing myself from the tight constraint of my trousers. I had to be inside her, it was just driving me mad not to be.


I moved my mouth from her, moving my fingers to rub her clitoris in small concentric circles. I then stood up, sinking my cock into her, knowing her orgasm was quickly approaching. I wrapped her legs around my waist, pushing against her as I continued my ministrations. I pushed against her frantically, the tension of the day seeming to be eased by this primal sexual act. I grunted and groaned, losing myself to the pleasure. Her hips rose against me and I could feel the throbbing surrounding my cock of her climax as she grabbed ahold of my shoulders, calling out my name, and bucked against me.


I fought to stay standing, my own body far past the point of absolute pleasure, just about to peak with its own climax. Her muscles tugged at and kneaded me and I pushed against their resistance until I called out myself, holding tightly onto the desk as not to fall as I trembled, pressed tightly against her.



* * *



"So, do you always ravage your employees in such a way after work?" she asked, straightening her clothes.


"Actually, this is a first, believe it or not. I usually prefer my encounters to be a little more drawn out and romantic, but sometimes your urges just take over and..." I began.


"...And you have an intense fuck on your office desk," she giggled, finishing my sentence,


"I hope that doesn't make you think less of me or anything," I teased, sitting next to her on my desk, my legs swinging a bit as they dangled.


"Not much could, I am sure," she replied, kissing me on the lips.


I blushed fiercely at her compliment, "I hope that I live up to your expectations...sperm costume or not."


"Actually, I was hoping you'd wear it for me so that I could bask in your sexiness," she teased.


"I burned it."


"Burned it?"


"Yes, in a ceremonial offering to the God of Humiliation. I try to do such sacrifices once a year, you know, so that I don't look like a fool too much," I replied, tongue-in-cheek, with a laugh.



* * *



If only it were all that simple. They made it seem that way from what I learnt in Catholic school. Wouldn't things be nice if they could take tithe from my paycheck to dedicate to this God of Humiliation or perhaps a God of Dating or something? Maybe things in my life could get better. Still, who am I to complain really when I have this amazing woman in my life? I have all I ever wanted, yet as with the case with me, I am already trying to find fault with the relationship or even myself.


Simon's timing could not be worse in the situation either. I am already faced with the insecurities of beginning a new relationship and now I am also having to deal with Simon opening old wounds during the whole process. I think it is almost a territorial sixth sense with him. He knows when I am on the precipice of falling madly in love and, like a neurotic father, sweeps in just in time to size up my romantic choice (usually the girl fails his tests of whether or not she is good enough for me) and lay on a few more layers of guilt over the disintegration of the "romantic" (subject to argument) relationship between him and I.


I am sure that I pose the relationship between Simon and I as being rather vague. I only do so because I cannot exactly define it for myself. Many people tend to think of the world in terms of black and white, even I did for a long time, but one thing that I have learnt in my nearly forty years on this Earth is that there is a hell of a lot of grey area. Yes, Simon and I were lovers, though I find that a slight misnomer actually as love was not a major player in the game.


It all began as simple sexual experimentation. I admit that I was a little curious. I mean many of my idols (David Bowie, Lou Reed...) had toyed around with sexual relationships with men. It was all that pan sexuality hype -- that we were all really born bisexual and society is the reason we are in heterosexual relationships en masse. It was "society's way of maintaining itself through procreation." I mean, let's face it, two men or two women cannot make an heir to a generation. Still, we weren't worried about having children just yet, but having a good time. So, why shouldn't we break the rules? Well, a bit of my rebellious side bought into that whole idea.


Like many boys, I kissed another boy when I was very young. There was certainly no romance there, we were just seeing what a kiss felt like and we were actually pretending one another was a girl. I remember it turning out rather embarrassing because at the time I had a closely guarded secret crush on this girl that lived up the street named Mia (strangely enough) and right after we had broken from the kiss, I, caught up in the fantasy, sighed her name, giving away my passion for her. My friend, David, never let me live that one down.


Anyway, it wasn't until I was with Simon that I actually went further than a curious kiss. Maybe you could say I was a little bored and cynical at the time. I had just come off a time of many one-night-stands with women who I rarely even knew the names of. I had taken a step back to re-evaluate things and decided to only try and sleep with people who I was in a relationship with (which didn't last very long, I'm afraid). Because of this new "picky-ness," it had been a couple of months since I'd last made love to anyone. I think I was beginning to cave in. I was getting lonely and though the one-night-stands were not emotionally satisfying, they were at least something. This is another reason I think things happened as they did.


It all started fairly innocently with the kiss at the party. It was actually not that unlike the kiss I had shared with my mate as a boy (though I didn't sigh "Mia" when the kiss broke, though Simon would have probably thought I was just speaking in Italian). We were both intoxicated and everyone knows "strange" things happen in those altered states. About a month after that Christmas party, we had run into each other again at a club in London. We both spent the night drinking entirely too much and trying to pick up women. Unsuccessful, we both stumbled back to my flat, as it was closest, and passed out.


In the middle of the night I felt the weight shift in the bed and someone taking off my clothes. In my half-asleep, drunken stupor I just laid back as the person orally pleasured me. I think I believed it was a women from the bar or even a dream. I was so out of my mind though, I honestly don't know what I was thinking. I seemed to finally come to when I climaxed, perhaps from the jolt from it, and realized whose mouth was actually on me -- Simon.


I jumped from the bed, wrapping the blanket around me, and yelled at him to get out. He barely put up a fight, bowing his head, and slinked out the door. We didn't speak again for several months. The whole experience did a number on me psychologically. I couldn't admit to myself that I had enjoyed what he had done and that even a little part of me wanted for him to do it again. Does that mean I am gay? I certainly didn't "feel" gay (whatever that feels like). I began sleeping around with multiple women again, most likely in an attempt to reaffirm my heterosexuality. I knew that my attractions lay with females and I had even tried to view men as sex objects and it just didn't work for me.


Still, I felt inexplicably attracted to Simon. I threw myself into an ill-fated relationship to try and compensate for my feelings. I was going along rather well, though I was simply going through the motions with the girl I was with as we had nothing even remotely in common except that we were both human (and a few times I even questioned that). She was sadly just a vacant beautiful body. Then, of course, I ran into Simon yet again.


At first I resisted his charms and advances, but as we drank more and more at the club we were at (are you seeing a pattern yet?), I gave in more and more. It didn't take long before he had me back at my flat, prone on the bed, doing all manner of erotic things to my body. Of course, my life being the drama it has always been, Rayne (the aforementioned beauty I had been dating) came back early from a modeling shoot and caught our buggery. Figures. I think we scarred her for life as she was never quite the same afterwards.


Anyway, Simon and I were rather hush-hush about the whole thing after it happened, Rayne's shock putting it into a realistic perspective -- we were doing something very taboo. Worst thing was though, I was intrigued with the taboo. I needed something exciting in my life and hell, it wasn't the first time I was just having sex for the sake of sex. My romantic ideals were slipping away and I pretty much resigned myself to most likely never finding "the one" and that I might as well have fun with life while I was living it. Of course that sounds neat as a pin and all text-book. It didn't work out as smoothly as that in the end. People change and Simon and I have changed a great deal over the years.





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Continue onto My American Muse: Part Four?


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